5 Stages Of Grief

There are 5 stages of grief.

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

I'm not a psychotherapist, but I had a feeling I was experiencing some of the stages. 

Turns out I am.

Last week, I found out via message that my BetterHelp therapist could no longer work with me due to a change in the New York State law that no longer permits its residents to receive therapeutic services from out-of-state providers.

That sucks but I understand.

When I found out, I was pretty shaken up. It was unexpected, and it was abrupt. I had been working with this therapist for over two years and had formed a trust in our relationship that took a lot of time. I have never developed that level of trust with anyone else.

That's a huge deal for someone living with substance use disorder and a mental health condition.

1. DENIAL

I messaged her to see if there was any way we could continue away from BetterHelp, but she said there was not. 

How is that possible? Couldn't she exploit some sort of workaround or a loophole in the system?

Lately, I've been in a good place. Why am I feeling uneasy about the whole thing if I'm in such a good place? 

This morning I Googled,

Is it normal to be upset if your therapist breaks up with you?

Guess what? 

It turns out that it's not only normal to be upset but can be downright traumatic.

The following is the first thing that came up in my search from a site called Discussing Dissociation.

"The termination process is as critical to the long-term health and well-being of the client as any other stage of therapy, if not more so. In fact, a very positive therapeutic relationship can become completely tainted and twisted if the termination process is not handled properly. COLD-TURKEY TERMINATIONS ARE DANGEROUS" 

2. ANGER

What the fuck man? Seems like Therapy 101 to me.

BetterHelp fumbled the ball and then my therapist picked it up and ran to the wrong end zone.

I felt abandoned, like maybe I did something to cause this.

I felt like all the progress I'd made might somehow now be erased. I even started to ruminate about what I thought was behind me. I was also really fucking mad. I was mad at the way it was handled. I was mad that I was told via text message rather than face-to-face. I was mad that she didn't consider that maybe I might need help processing the end of this critical component of my self-care routine.

With all that being said, I have an appointment with a new BetterHelp therapist on Friday. This one is from New York. I'm looking forward to talking with my new therapist about my old therapist. 

That should keep us both busy for a while.

3. BARGAINING

But before I do that, I'm going to email BetterHelp and ask for a refund for the month of May as compensation for my trouble.





 




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