My Social Feeds Are Trying To Kill Me

Every time I open any of my social media apps, I feel like they're all trying to murder me. 

It doesn't matter which one. They're all out to get me.

At night after I put my phone down on the night table, I look under the bed to make sure it's safe.

I have nightmares about Insta and Facebook standing over my prone, sleeping body, waiting for the right moment to smother me with their huge digital pillows. 

I don't think I'm being paranoid. Maybe a tad dramatic for the sake of compelling content but paranoid?

I think not. 

There is solid evidence to prove it. 

We all know that all our trusty gadgets have ears. They are all excellent listeners. Alexa, Google, iPhone, Nest, Ring. I don't even trust my old Atari 2600 at this point. Who knows when they collude, what they conspire or how they recruit.

I can assure you that I'm not trying to go all Alex Jones on you. 

This isn't some cockamamie conspiracy theory I swear.

When I switched professions a year ago, I made the conscious decision to be more outspoken on my social media platforms.  I do my best to advocate for those living or struggling with substance use disorder and mental health conditions. It's important to me but more importantly, it's just important.

I talk a lot about alcoholism, addiction, depression, anxiety, and all sorts of recovery type stuff. I always keep it positive. My wife and daughters are all aware that I'm in recovery and have always offered up their unwavering support. Because of this, mental health and recovery are often a topic that comes up in our house. Sometimes someone is paying attention and sometimes it's just me babbling.

I'm not green behind the ears. I know that anything I say or write and maybe even think at this point, is fair game to the digital bugs that live in my general proximity.

But here's the rub.

Lately, my feed has been absolutely saturated with a plethora of ads for micro dosed cocktails. (Respect to El Guapo for bringing the word plethora into the mainstream)

Before a few weeks ago I had no idea they even existed. Now I'm a legitimate connoisseur on all things related to the "non-alcoholic buzz".

Damn, I'm still stuck in the Bartles & Jaymes era. 

Apparently, wine coolers aren't a thing anymore. Good riddance.

Why would my feed be trying to poison me with product that they well know I don't, won't and can't consume? 


I haven't craved any type of substance in a very long time. I know how to play the tape forward. I'm a proud member of the No Matter What club. One day at a time, right?


I must admit, I caught myself daydreaming the other day as I was consuming some of this propaganda. I said to myself, maybe I can order a case of that micro dosed mushroom refresher without anyone knowing and just give it a go. 


TBH it was scary AF. 

I shook that off after about 3 seconds, but it really caught me off guard.

I truly and honestly believe that everyone has the opportunity and the right to recover at their own pace and on their own path. If someone is going to put down the needle and switch over to a THC and CBD infused beverage and that keeps them safe and alive, I'm all for it.

But I don't have that luxury.

I need to manage my feed with the same iron hand that Dalton wielded at the Double Deuce. 

Screw you Facebook. No thank you Insta. Bug off X. 

I would indeed like to see less of these types of advertisements in my feed. They are in fact, not helpful.

It's my turn to smother your smug, capitalist, digital face with my tiny pillow made from a billion, invisible X's and O's.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Definition Of A Hug

My Sobriety Is Like David Blaine

Cry Baby, Cry