Daddy Meetings

Getting sober can be tough. It took me 25 years to finally realize how much my drinking was affecting not only me but, most importantly, my family. With the help and support of my wife and a 12-step program, I was able to get the help I needed to begin my recovery journey.

Initially, it was about navigating everyday life and all its challenges. 

At the time, my wife and I had two young daughters who weren't old enough to comprehend the gravity of the situation or why there was a sudden shift in my behavior and daily routine. That said, kids are way more perceptive than you would think. They might not understand everything, but they notice just about EVERYTHING. 

One of the things they picked up on was how often I would leave the house for an hour or so at a time. It would happen a few nights a week and on the weekends in the morning. I was going to 12-step meetings regularly, almost every day, for the first year, so it was impossible not to notice. It didn't take my oldest daughter, who was seven then, long before she started asking questions. 

She would often catch me as I walked out the door and say, "Where are you going?" Most of the time, I would make something up, like I was going to get the newspaper, gas, or the supermarket. It worked, but I felt a little guilty about deceiving her. I know it was more of a white lie, and my intentions were good, but it still made me uncomfortable, especially since I was doing everything I could to do the right thing in my recovery. 

I was torn between being truthful with my daughters about my newfound sobriety and burdening them with too much information that they might not understand. They thought the world of me, and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible.

I started to share my dilemma at meetings and approached a few sober dads who had more experience in recovery than I did. Everyone had a different opinion of what the right thing to do was. I mostly heard that I had to be honest with them or not tell them at all. Suffice it to say that it didn’t exactly help my situation.

Then, after a meeting, a man approached me and pulled me aside. He told me he had been in recovery for a long time, and like me, his kids were very young when he got sober. He said he identified with what I was going through. He told me that he heard someone once share something that helped him explain to his kids where he was going without lying or burdening them with anything too heavy.

He said he used to tell them he was going to "Daddy Meetings" to help him be a better dad. That sounded brilliant to me because it was true. I was learning how to live a life without alcohol, how to become more self-aware, how to feel and process my emotions without self-medicating, and how to become less selfish, more considerate, and more responsible. 

I was becoming a better friend, a better coworker, a better husband, and, in fact, a better dad.

From that moment on, I started telling them I was going to my Daddy Meeting, and they not only accepted that but appreciated it. It made me feel so much better about that aspect of my recovery and gave me a different perspective on how important it was to everyone around me.

Then, one day, my oldest daughter and my wife were fighting about something, and my daughter was really upset with her. She pulled me aside and said, "I think Mommy needs to start going to Mommy Meetings." 

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